Dark October Evenings

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(i) you’re the part of October 
I wish I could forget/
(ii) winter takes away a lot from you/
(iii) July felt like sunshine, 
trapped in a box/
(iv) I’m not sure I’m an autumn person/
(v) I do not know what I ever saw in anyone but you/
(vi) November is a paradox that I wish I could solve/
(vii) I don’t do very well around chaos or the lack of it/ 
silence does not help me heal/ 
words do/
the lack of words does/
(viii) I wish I could leave without actually leaving/ 
I wish I wasn’t here/ 
I wish I didn’t have to be/ 
I do not want to not be/
(ix) November isn’t my favourite month/ 
(x) you seem like December on a rainy day/ 
I wish I did not feel like the storm all the time/ 
I miss you/ 
and the lack of you/ 
silence/


(xi) do I really own any of my words? 
(xii) sometimes I feel like a stranger to myself/ 
my words/ 
your words/ 
words//
(xiii) I’m confused, 
it’s summer on a cold January day/ 
and I miss the rain/ 
I wish the weather could heal me.
(xiv) I’m sorry you thought 
that sunshine could ever be a person/
or a month/ 
or a feeling/ 
I’m sorry everyone has to leave/ 
on a dark October evening/
when there is nothing but silence/
to close the door behind them/ 
I’m sorry you have to be/ 
when they aren’t.

Dark October Evenings 
emmess 
16/10/18

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