you made me define a forever.

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(i) they said that you’re scared of sandstorms, the last one left you in ruins, a little hollow. You hid behind all the destruction and watched your entire world fall apart. 
then you laughed, as if the destruction had become you. You owned all of this chaos. Ruined didn’t feel ruined enough. 
You clutched all your breath in between your palms and spelled words you thought you’d never say. You held your throat, a little tighter than your fear of suffocation. 
You came out of it, a different person.

(ii) you used to spell your name in cursive. I remember you danced, a lot louder than the music, a lot more free than empty prisons. You didn’t count your footsteps back then. 
You didn’t measure the distance between your feet when you looked at yourself in the mirror. You stood tall in front of the mirror. Some days, you even looked up at the sky and smiled.

(iii) I hung up your paintings on my walls. Some days, I hear your laughter in them. On others, they remind me of rain. On most days, I feel like I only have half of your paintings. I pretend that they’re incomplete because the crescent always made me feel more beautiful. like you did.

(iv) I still have half of the perfume that you used. I don’t use it. I save it for days I think it would rain but it doesn’t. It makes me feel whole. Like the mixtape I made you that only has one song that I’ve been listening to, on repeat, since forever. you made me define a forever. I never thought I’d be able to.

_you made me define a forever.

National Poetry Writing Month, Day 25. 

Poetry prompt: “I think I made you up inside my head.” 

Sylvia Plath, c. 1954.
A dedication to my favourite poets. (part I)


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