Until you stay

I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
Until the ninth time you ask me if I am.
I’ll be alright.

I like this silence.
All this calm.
this hush.
this quiet breathing.
I love it like this.
Until you start to whisper.
I want to scream.

I love this noise.
all this loud.
this screaming.
this shouting.
this war.
all this fight within me, this chaos.
this is me.
Until you stop talking.
I wish I were the silence.

I’m scared of floods.
All the entirety.
The storm that takes over.
This cyclone of fears.
It’s a hurricane I run from.
I try to escape.
Until you become the waves.
And I drown.

I love the spotlight.
centre stage.
all the eyes.
the attention.
there’s power.
there’s me.
Until you find me.
I wish I could disappear.

I like this dance.
we’re moving.
opposite directions.
matching footsteps.
swaying bodies.
all this rhythm.
all this beat.
until you step away.
I wish I could freeze.

I love all this music.
the lyrics.
the chords.
the tunes.
all this rhyme.
this symphony.
Until you pull the plug.
I cover my ears.

I love this fragrance.
the taste in the air.
the smell of your shirt.
your essence.
Until you walk away.
I don’t want to breathe again.

I love how home feels like.
mine.
I belong.
I have a place.
this place is me.
I’ll be okay.
I’ll be fine.
Until you leave.
I don’t know a home anymore.

I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.
But this time you don’t ask me if I am.
And I’m not sure if I’ll be alright.

_until you stay