If you keep listening
to the same song again, and again, and again, someday you’d forget why.
If you keep
dreaming the same dream over, and over, and over again, someday you’d forget
that it’s still just a dream.
I’m proud of
you.
My favourite
songs haven’t turned to noise yet.
I know the
lyrics like the back of my hand.
Directions,
like the taste of my tongue when I wake up.
Breathe, my
darling, I’m proud of you.
I do know
where I’m going. This is where I want to be. This is where I’ve always wanted
to be.
I’m not
breaking down.
This isn’t
too much.
This is who
I am. This is who I’ve always been.
Breathe,
darling, for I’m so damn proud of you.
You are not
noise, you are music and you make sense even when the silence hums deeper than
you do.
Stop. This
isn’t too much.
Will you walk
with me?
I’m not
scared.
I’ve never
been scared, of the dark, or of you.
I’m walking.
The same
directions, the same roads, the same noise.
This doesn’t
stop, this isn’t too much, this is me.
Breathe, my
darling, I believe in you.
No one ever
told me that it’s okay.
No one ever
said that it will be.
Walk again,
maybe you’d listen differently this time?
I took my
pills this morning.
I didn’t cry
myself off to sleep last night.
I went for a
run and I came back.
I didn’t sit
in the shower for an hour hoping I could fade away.
I ate today.
I didn’t
throw up during my run.
I picked up
the broken glass from the floor.
I did not
get bruises on my arm.
I washed out
the blood in the stairs.
I did not
trip in my balcony.
I picked up
when he called.
I didn’t
tell him I missed him.
I woke up
today.
I didn’t
wish that I hadn’t.
I tidied up
my room.
I didn’t
visit her grave today.
I laughed a
bit.
I did not
feel numb.
I wiped off
my tears.
I did not
cry again.
I kept
going, picked myself up when I fell.
I did not
choke on my own breath.
I wished I
wasn’t like this.
I did not
know how not to be.
I decided to
stay.
I did not
want to.
I’m so proud
of you, my darling.
I am so
proud of you.
