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If you keep listening to the same song again, and again, and again, someday you’d forget why.

If you keep dreaming the same dream over, and over, and over again, someday you’d forget that it’s still just a dream.

I’m proud of you.

My favourite songs haven’t turned to noise yet.
I know the lyrics like the back of my hand.
Directions, like the taste of my tongue when I wake up.

Breathe, my darling, I’m proud of you.
I do know where I’m going. This is where I want to be. This is where I’ve always wanted to be.
I’m not breaking down.
This isn’t too much.
This is who I am. This is who I’ve always been.

Breathe, darling, for I’m so damn proud of you.
You are not noise, you are music and you make sense even when the silence hums deeper than you do.

Stop. This isn’t too much.
Will you walk with me?

I’m not scared.
I’ve never been scared, of the dark, or of you.

I’m walking.
The same directions, the same roads, the same noise.
This doesn’t stop, this isn’t too much, this is me.

Breathe, my darling, I believe in you.

No one ever told me that it’s okay.
No one ever said that it will be.
Walk again, maybe you’d listen differently this time?

I took my pills this morning.
I didn’t cry myself off to sleep last night.
I went for a run and I came back.
I didn’t sit in the shower for an hour hoping I could fade away.
I ate today.
I didn’t throw up during my run.
I picked up the broken glass from the floor.
I did not get bruises on my arm.
I washed out the blood in the stairs.
I did not trip in my balcony.
I picked up when he called.
I didn’t tell him I missed him.
I woke up today.
I didn’t wish that I hadn’t.
I tidied up my room.
I didn’t visit her grave today.
I laughed a bit.
I did not feel numb.
I wiped off my tears.
I did not cry again.
I kept going, picked myself up when I fell.
I did not choke on my own breath.
I wished I wasn’t like this.
I did not know how not to be.
I decided to stay.
I did not want to.

I’m so proud of you, my darling.

I am so proud of you. 


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