merry-go-round

by 21:22 0 comments

some things are inevitable.
like your birthday.

when I was a kid, I hated the merry go round. but my family would always force me upon it because the other kids loved it. they thought that i would too.

but they never really got it, you know?
merry go rounds made me dizzy. they made me nauseous. they made me feel
so trivial, so insignificant, so out of place.
even though, at the merry go round, you're always in place.
I felt that nothing would be different if I wasn't there, rather things would be better. revolving around the same handle bar, again and again and again. always ending up where you started, at square 1. zero displacement. zero work done. zero progress.

no one knew that i puked every time i got off that wretched 'child's play'. no one knew that holding on to the handle bar and almost slipping off, with that speed, generated so much friction that my hands almost always burnt a bit on impact.
i have scars to show as well.

life feels like a merry go round these days.
not the fancy one with dressed up horses and fairy lights, but the one with a broken base and rusted handle bars, changing colours from red to brown.




and birthdays kickstart the rusting, year after year, every single year. and there is no escape. you cannot just step off and pretend like the merry go round never happened.

you have to keep holding on to the handle bars, hiding your real feelings, and smiling, pretending to smile, just because the other kids are.

be like the other kids.
smile.
hold on.
grow up.
happy birthday.

here's to another year of the same old merry go round.
you've got to keep going.
you cannot tire.

smile.
hold on.
grow up.
happy 18th.