tock

by 21:50 0 comments
the first time I visited your grave, I laughed. 

I laughed more than I inhaled , i laughed more than I exhaled 

more than I should have, much more than I could have

for that was the only thing I knew, my darling 
after all emotion had escaped 

and i knew i couldn't give up 

and for the first time ever i knew what it felt to stop

to stop wanting to breathe, to inhale, to exhale, to laugh 

to stop wanting to be.

for all breath hadn't just escaped you, it had also escaped me.

and so i laugh
for i know that the dead need to be buried 
yet i'm still here. 

and i'm stuck 
i'm stuck 
i'm stuck 
i'm stuck 
i'm stuck 
i'm stuck 

for darling, i'm stuck.


tick 
tock 
tick 
tock
tick 
tock
tick 

and for the first time ever i don't hear the tock.

so i laugh

and i never know where to be 
so i sit in front of your grave 
because that's the only place i can ever really be.

and i laugh

for all i wanted was to belong  
but you were too free for me 

and now i can almost hear the numbness in that lost tock 
for tears roll down my left cheek
as i take your right hand 
and place it against my heartbeat 

trying to make you feel that it's gone 

and i try to hold you in my arms 
but for the first time ever i hear time hault 

tick 
tock 
tick
tock 
tick 

darling
this silence doesn't stop 
but time did
for you and me 
and it knows i can't feel 
anything
without you.