tock

by Muskan Sethi 21:50 0 comments

the first time I visited your grave, I laughed. 

I laughed more than I inhaled , i laughed more than I exhaled 

more than I should have, much more than I could have

for that was the only thing I knew, my darling 

after all emotion had escaped 

and i knew i couldn't give up 

and for the first time ever i knew what it felt to stop

to stop wanting to breathe, to inhale, to exhale, to laugh 

to stop wanting to be.

for all breath hadn't just escaped you, it had also escaped me.

and so i laugh

for i know that the dead need to be buried 

yet i'm still here. 

and i'm stuck 

i'm stuck 

i'm stuck 

i'm stuck 

i'm stuck 

i'm stuck 

for darling, i'm stuck.

tick 

tock 

tick 

tock

tick 

tock

tick 

and for the first time ever i don't hear the tock.

so i laugh

and i never know where to be 

so i sit in front of your grave 

because that's the only place i can ever really be.

and i laugh

for all i wanted was to belong  

but you were too free for me 

and now i can almost hear the numbness in that lost tock 

for tears roll down my left cheek

as i take your right hand 

and place it against my heartbeat 

trying to make you feel that it's gone 

and i try to hold you in my arms 

but for the first time ever i hear time hault 

tick 

tock 

tick

tock 

tick 

darling

this silence doesn't stop 

but time did

for you and me 

and it knows i can't feel 

anything

without you.