escape.

by 17:07 0 comments
the crescent looks like the gibbous tonight and all i can think of is you.

when i was a kid, i did not know what 'escape' meant and to be honest, I still don't.

I've always been a little here and there, a little all over the place with my emotions and sometimes i feel like i have too many emotions for one person. And maybe that's kind of true as well. The entire concept of detaching myself has always been alien to me. In simple words, i can never seem to let go. Maybe i hope too much, maybe i believe too much, maybe i am a little too much. But then again, how much is too much? And how much is just enough?

A plane flies over my house, every four minutes nineteen seconds between the hours of 10 and 11pm every single Thursday.

Most days it flies a little too close to the Moon, at about a distance of 17 metres from the crescent and 13 metres from the gibbous. And some days, it marks an arrow across the Ursa Minor pointing towards the Ursa Major.

and I can't help but wonder what if I run and get into one of those, maybe I can escape. Maybe I can let go of all I am, of where I belong, of everything that pulls me down. 




maybe tomorrow, I can be 317 miles away from you, and your memories won't dance in my dreams anymore. Maybe, I can be shivering in temperatures of -47 degree celsius and freeze out your trace from every single cell of my body. And tomorrow, I can watch it snow as I forget the first time I danced with you or the time we sat and counted the hours before the rain stopped.
Maybe I can be somewhere where they don't play the music and every single chord will not remind me of you or maybe i can be somewhere where they don't hum tunes to sleep so that i can sleep without fearing you in my dreams. 

maybe tomorrow, i can escape to a place where i forget your name and the sound of your laughter at 3am and how you promised to never leave. And i can drown my music and my memories, and tomorrow i can let go of all i don't want to be.

maybe i'll be somewhere i belong, and it will not be with you and the ticking of the clocks will not bruise me anymore and i'll be somewhere, i don't forget how to breathe.

maybe tomorrow i can be far, far away from you and me and escape to a place where i can just be.

the truth is, i've been waiting for the planes to start flying tonight, maybe i can learn what escape means.

but I can't spot the Ursa Minor and the Ursa Major is hard to find, the sky is growing weary of the stars and its getting a lot colder without you.

maybe i will get on one of those planes tonight and run but darling, the crescent looks like the gibbous and all i can think of is you. 


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Here's to celebrating two years of my blog. 
Thank you for reading! 
I hope you stay! 

Love, 
Always 
Emm