Let me fall

by 19:37 0 comments
The rhetoric delusions I have forever associated with this inevitable numbness have finally found a rebound. As insurmountable as it seemed the last time it happened, it is happening yet again. The essence of everything I decided to leave behind never really left me and the petty memories I keep hoping will eventually let go of me, have detached themselves from their own existence, just to feed on mine.

It’s 4 am and I cannot sleep. You call it joyful pitter-patter, and I call it painful chaos. I have spent the last half an hour waiting for this mess dimming the sounds of silence to cease to exist. I would want to slip in, however, listening to the symphonies of my own chaos, rather than the one outside this window sill but I can’t ask for it to cease and I know you won’t.  

Oh, look how the rhythm is burning out, atom by atom, breath by breath. Maybe it finally decided to dim out. Maybe this time, I will find my way out. Or maybe I will slip in, yet again, waiting for this silence to dawn over me.

It’s rather a snobbish habit I developed as a child, but I’ve never been able to surrender to my subconscious till all atoms of this irrelevant music of life are blocked out and sustained by a comfort that only pure stillness can bring. I have forever been in love with the void that nothingness brings to me and existence without it has always seemed to be a messy affair for me.

To whatever insane sanity that is being called for, I have forever been deemed to be handicapped when it comes to appreciating the mess of the inconspicuous harmonies that this chaos brings, however it always appealed to my palette how we could start over, every single time, like the music that the lone droplets forever play on.


It is this violin of life that reminds me of everything that I’ve ever been devoid of and it is in these last few moments of my conscious salvation that I realize that I’ve forever owned the stars that remedy all my misery. Maybe, pain isn’t so inevitable after all. My rants, however, are. 

And now, as the narrowing absence of this constant chaos loosens its hold over the radii of my sprinting thoughts, I am sketched down in life by the confused ticking of the motionless hands of my semi dilapidated clock and I remember where I am. There is no motion, only chaos and the musical symphonies of silence. The clock stopped tonight, however, time never did.

So it is time that I shall move on as the chaos seems to dull its own existence by the second and it feels like home again, after a quarter million years. Is this how it feels like?

Forever ticking like the lost whispers of silence.

So, let me fall, before I ever have to.

Let me fall.