Maybe it's the stars;

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This post is dedicated to my inspiration, The Purple Assassin.
She teaches me hope, better than life ever did.

This is for the people who promised to stay, but never did.
29th February 2016

I hope she forgives me.
I know she won’t, though.

She’s always had a problem with forgiving people. It doesn’t come easy to her, and after everything she’s been through, it shouldn’t either.

There are times I can’t forgive myself either and after everything I’ve done to her, I don’t think I deserve forgiveness at all. 

But, she must know that it wasn’t in my control. Some things just aren’t in our control.

Maybe it’s the stars.
Or, maybe it’s a bit more than that.
Or, maybe it’s nothing at all.

All my life, I tried to convince myself that things will work out, that everything will fall into place and it’ll happen when it has to happen. You can’t really force anything, you know?
But then this isn’t wonderland. This is life.

And sometimes, life screws you. It screws you really bad. Just when you start trusting it.
I guess I just made too many promises and I dreamt too much. I drank my fears and feasted on my sadness.

But, timing is everything, isn’t it?
And there is nothing as a coincidence.

It’s all fated. Every single atom is.

I wish I could go back though, right to the beginning.

I know, I know, I don’t deserve another chance, but maybe miracle is bored today. Maybe magic pities me. Or, maybe she does. 

There is always more to the story, you know?
There are just too many pieces that we miss out each time. You think there’s one way to look at something, and you skip a million others. There’s always more to it.

Life isn’t just a crumble of merriness. Its martyred hopes and ghost dreams.

Maybe I’ll get through. Maybe, I won’t.
Either way, I’m heading towards the end.

I just wish she knew that I was sorry, for everything. And if I could, I’d have made us get through.

We’d not be perfect, though.  
We’d be much more than that.

But she doesn’t know that. And she probably never will.

I’ll write to her, one day, though. Tell her what happened. She has to know that I’d have destroyed her, and that it’s always better this way.

She deserves to know the truth. But oh, she deserves so much more than that.

She deserves the stars.
And I can’t give her anything.

Maybe she’ll read my letter. Maybe she won’t.  
Or, maybe it’ll die, just like I will.

So, here’s to another goodbye!
I’m getting used to this now.

Next time, it probably won’t be this hard. It gets easier each time and I’ve bid enough goodbyes for a million lifetimes now.

I hope you can get used to them as well. They come in handy. I just wish that they taught them when stars were all that mattered to us. It would have probably been a lot easier the first time then.

I have to go now. 
I can't stay for too long. 
Not here. Not anywhere. 

Till then,
And even beyond,

P.S. I really hope that you can make the most of today, for this day wouldn’t come back, not even after four years. 


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