This
post is dedicated to my inspiration, The Purple Assassin.
She
teaches me hope, better than life ever did.
This
is for the people who promised to stay, but never did.
29th February
2016
I hope she forgives me.
I know she won’t,
though.
She’s always had a
problem with forgiving people. It doesn’t come easy to her, and after
everything she’s been through, it shouldn’t either.
There are times I can’t
forgive myself either and after everything I’ve done to her, I don’t think I
deserve forgiveness at all.
But, she must know that
it wasn’t in my control. Some things just aren’t in our control.
Maybe it’s the stars.
Or, maybe it’s a bit
more than that.
Or, maybe it’s nothing
at all.
All my life, I tried to
convince myself that things will work out, that everything will fall into place
and it’ll happen when it has to happen. You can’t really force anything, you
know?
But then this isn’t
wonderland. This is life.
And sometimes, life
screws you. It screws you really bad. Just when you start trusting it.
I guess I just made too many
promises and I dreamt too much. I drank my fears and feasted on my sadness.
But, timing is
everything, isn’t it?
And there is nothing as a coincidence.
It’s all fated. Every single atom is.
I wish I could go back
though, right to the beginning.
I know, I know, I don’t
deserve another chance, but maybe miracle is bored today. Maybe magic pities
me. Or, maybe she does.
There is always more to
the story, you know?
There are just too many
pieces that we miss out each time. You think there’s one way to look at
something, and you skip a million others. There’s always more to it.
Life isn’t just a
crumble of merriness. Its martyred hopes and ghost dreams.
Maybe I’ll get through.
Maybe, I won’t.
Either way, I’m heading
towards the end.
I just wish she knew
that I was sorry, for everything. And if I could, I’d have made us get through.
We’d not be perfect,
though.
We’d be much more than
that.
But she doesn’t know
that. And she probably never will.
I’ll write to her, one
day, though. Tell her what happened. She has to know that I’d have destroyed
her, and that it’s always better this way.
She deserves to know the
truth. But oh, she deserves so much more than that.
She deserves the stars.
And I can’t give her
anything.
Maybe she’ll read my
letter. Maybe she won’t.
Or, maybe it’ll die,
just like I will.
Incomplete.
So, here’s to another
goodbye!
I’m getting used to this
now.
Next time, it probably
won’t be this hard. It gets easier each time and I’ve bid enough goodbyes for a
million lifetimes now.
I hope you can get used
to them as well. They come in handy. I just wish that they taught them when
stars were all that mattered to us. It would have probably been a lot easier
the first time then.
I have to go now.
I can't stay for too
long.
Not here. Not
anywhere.
Till then,
And even beyond,
Love,
Emm.
P.S. I really hope that
you can make the most of today, for this day wouldn’t come back, not even after
four years.
