Dear H,
You know what kills me, H? What kills me over a billion
times whenever I think about it?
That I have a thousand reasons to cry, a thousand reasons
to bleed to death with my tears and yet I cry because of you. Just because of
you.
And it hurts so much. It hurts to know that this is the
end. It hurts to know that things will never be the same again. And it hurts to
know that who I love the most is the reason behind all my pain.
Loving you wasn’t a choice, you know? It was a decision for me. A very hard decision. Yet one I made, anyway.
Loving you wasn’t a choice, you know? It was a decision for me. A very hard decision. Yet one I made, anyway.
Trusting doesn’t come easy with me. I’ve had some really
bad history when it comes to trust. But I guess that you already knew that, didn’t you?
And you know what, H? I trusted you. I trusted you with
all my heart and soul. I trusted you in my entirety.
And I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for that.
I guess I should stop trusting people, you know?
Yeah, I guess I should.
Because trusting you has broken me, H. It has.
And I’m shattered now.
I don’t think I can ever be fixed. I can’t even fix myself.
I’m so lost, H.
And I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for putting all my trust in you. For bearing my soul to you. For reaching out, knowing that I'd be hurt.
Why’d you have to do it, H? Why?
Was hurting me not enough that you had to go ahead and
break me? Completely and Entirely.
You know, I’m not scared of the dark anymore. And I
guess I have you to thank for that. The dark doesn’t frighten me anymore. If
anything, it awakens me. It brings me back to life.
You know why?
Because they can’t see my tears in the dark. And in the
dark, I find enough reasons to forget you.
The moon doesn’t lighten me up either these days. I didn’t think
that I’d ever have to see nights like these. But I have to. And it kills me to
know that, H. It does.
The stars try to talk to me, you know? But I don’t speak to
them. And they know that I’m not afraid of them anymore.
I’m not afraid of anything anymore.
Because I lost myself, didn’t I?
And I guess I just wanted to thank you for that.
I didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to tell you this but
you made me fearless, H. And I know I’m eternally indebted to you for that.
Because you made me realize that it’s all a hoax. It’s all a play, a scam, a
fake intervention with reality.
This world’s playing a big game with us. And the worst part
is that we let it.
We’re all alone, H. We are. Even if we are together.
And the sooner we realize that, the less we’ll hurt.
I know that that doesn’t make bearing the pain any easier
but it does make it softer. By just a decibel.
By just a decibel, H.
To softer pain.
To haunted nights.
To undeniable misery.
And to those unspoken whispers.
I’m letting it all go. H.
I’m letting it all go now.
Goodbye, H.
To think of it, this goodbye seems the easiest of them all.
Thank you, H. For everything!
I do wish the best for you.
Because I’m fearless now, aren’t I?
This is goodbye now, H. This is.
Till the end of this eternity.
And even beyond.
And even beyond.
Just.
Emm.
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