Dear A

Dear A,

I've never really liked the season of summer. So much it brings, so much it takes away. And I feel desperate, almost helpless. Like I’m devoid of something, maybe life, or direction? I’m confused, perplexed, baffled. There’s so much that’s happening and so much that isn't. I won’t say I’m scared. I’m not scared. I’m just, I’m just worried, you know. About what? I don’t know. I know, it’s not normal. But it is me. And it’s the way it is.

You keep asking me what’s wrong and I think I owe you an explanation. After all, you've known me for so long. You were my first true friend, you know. I never really told you that, I think, but I wanted to thank you. For what? For everything.

I hope everything’s fine with you because for me, things are a never ending downward spiral. They never cease to be.

And I don’t know how we became who we are. Honestly, I feel lost. I don’t know where I am. I feel like I want to go home. But where is home? Where do I go?

I’m beginning to get nervous now. It’s going to be evening soon. The shadows will come. They’ll surround me. They’ll drown me and I’ll drown in them.

I’m scared, A. I really am. I don’t know when I lost hope. But I know that I can’t find it anymore.

Where did it go? Did it run away?
I really am scared.

They tell me I have changed, that I have become different. But have I? I don’t feel different. I still feel the same. Is this the way it’s going to be? What will happen now?

It’s going to be evening soon. The birds tell me. Maybe it’s time to say goodbye. It’s pretty ironic, isn't it? I don’t find any good in a bye. It’s just a bye. Plain, simple bye. Maybe you’ll meet again, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll talk again, maybe you won’t. And that’s just it.

Maybe the moon is starting to whisper. I think I can hear him. I really want to talk to him today. But, I don’t think he pays any attention to what I say anymore. He has found the stars now, hasn't he? They’re always there with him. And they look so beautiful. Shining, glimmering, glistening.

They talk to me, you know. Sometimes. They tell me things I don’t want to hear. Things I already know. But I can’t manage without them either. They give me company. And they understand me. They don’t laugh at me, at least.

I’m not scared anymore. I have the moon with me, don’t I? I think I’ll go talk to him now. Maybe he’ll hear me this time. Maybe he’ll respond. But I’ll wait for him. I always do. I just hope he knows that.

Now I better hurry. I really want him to listen to my whispers today. I have so much to tell him!

So I guess this is a bye for now? Isn't it?
I’ll wait for you to write back to me.

Love,

Emm.